Two-Bit Villains - only two bits of the menu are available.

Vegans everywhere have been raving about this place for weeks so I thought it was about time I tried it. I entered Adelaide Arcade from Grenfell St, moseyed my way upstairs to a find an entire level of closed shops, apart from one.

Two-Bit Villains - Adelaide
This is the only open business upstairs in Adelaide Arcade on Saturday

I checked in on Yelp and Foursquare, mentioned the people I was dining with and eventually resorted to tweeting myself while I waited for my freshly made blueberry soda. I chose blueberry because the three other flavours I wanted weren't available.

Hannah, Nick and Mark arrived as I was half way through my soda and perusing the vegan menu. The vegan menu is one of four menus on offer (the others are 'standard menu', 'vegetarian menu' and 'gluten free menu').

Vegan menu - Two-Bit Villains, Adelaide
Vegan menu and my blueberry soda.
Hannah and Nick ordered the Veggie Burger from the standard menu, Mark ordered a Toasty & Fries and I ordered the Nacho Man because the Sloppy Joe wasn't available (are you starting to see a trend?). While we waited 15-20mins for our meals, we had a look at the eclectic collection of rockabilly items for sale, these include a small selection of clothes (50% off at the moment - bargain), coasters, mugs, pins and a felt stitched and stuffed uterus in a glass jar.

The burgers arrived first and were devoured without comment. Mark's toasty went much the same way, then my nachos arrived.

Veggie Burger and Fries - Two-Bit Villain, Adelaide
Veggie Burger and Fries
Toasty & Fries - Two-Bit Villains, Adelaide
Avocado, tomato and mayonaise toasty and fries
Before I go into detail about my nachos, I should say they fit the description on the menu; "A basket of crispy tortilla chips served with lashings of salsa & topped with guacomole [sic]" but seeing as I was in a cafe, I expected cafe food. The tortilla chips were crispy and warm, the salsa might've been homemade but I doubt it and the guacamole was smooth and creamy. What I really wanted was some refried beans, vegan nacho cheese and maybe even vegan sour cream. I would be more than happy to pay $15 (instead of $10) for these small additions. Without them, I got something my 11 year old niece could easily make after school.

Nacho Man - Two-Bit Villains, Adelaide
Nacho Man
With our meals, we also ordered turkish delight iced tea which was just the right sweetness and strength but had a slight aftertaste of Adelaide water.

We finished our meals and I went straight for the dessert menu; after all, a vegan rarely gets to choose a dessert that isn't fruit salad. I ordered the Cinnamon Donuts, as did Hannah. Nick ordered a Sundae and Mark opted for the Waffles with coffee syrup.

Waffles w coffee syrup - Two-Bit Villains, Adelaide
Waffles w coffee syrup
According to mark his waffles were "veeeery good". I forgot to ask Nick what his Sundae was like and my donuts were probably the same as Hannah's...

Cinnamon Donuts - Two-Bit Villains, Adelaide
Cinnamon Donuts with chocolate sauce
...After what I considered to be a sub-standard basket of nachos, I was really hoping to be swept off my fold-out chair by the donuts. The thick and not-so-crispy tiny donuts were sprinkled with cinnamon sugar, which didn't really stick to the overly doughy donut. The chocolate sauce was very similar to the chocolate sauce you buy from Coles with a big Cottees label on it and overall, I was moderately dissatisfied. I should've ordered the sundae.

To sum it up, I built this place up in my mind based on the reviews I'd previously read and I was let down. In fact, someone commented on my Foursquare check in asking if the whole menu was available because they experienced the same disappointment I had. Also, one of the Foursquare tips from a friend describes the lack of soul in the place - I wish I'd read this before deciding to dine here with friends.

Ambiance - 1/5: The gays need to do a big room makeover here.
Service - 2/5:  The owner is very eager but the staff don't follow suit.
Food: 4/10:  It made it to the table and I finished my plate.

In total, Tom gives Two-Bit Villains 7/20 chops on the chopping board.

Two-Bit Villains on Urbanspoon


  1. Dear Twillyon,

    First, I would like to thank you for your review. I would like to address your concerns publicly, as we constantly strive to improve our business.

    Our store underwent a major renovation in late June, we transformed from a clothing store with a dining area, to a full soda bar (this was since you have been in I believe). While we were making the transition, things were, of course, a little less than perfectly attractive. I would like to think that things have improved significantly in this area.

    Secondly, our nachos were a rushed addition to our menu in late May, I will admit this, and since you have been in you would find that they have now got the addition of our homemade chilli beans, and vegan cheese has been available for some time (for anyone who wishes to add it to their meals).

    I can however, say for sure that the chocolate syrup is not cottees - but I will certainly consider your comments.

    As for the unavailability of some of our items, please understand that this happens from time to time (particularly with our drinks) as they take a long time to make from scratch and we have 12 flavours.. sometimes we are also a little busier than expected...

    Please, in the future if you are unsatisfied with anything in our soda bar, could you let us know in person? We will do the best that we can to resolve your problems, as with any customer, however if we do not find out until after you leave - there is little we can do to improve your experience.

    Kind regards,
    Sass & Liam (Owners @ Two-Bit Villains)

  2. Hi Sass and Liam, thank you for commenting on my review, I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to respond.

    I'm happy to hear the nachos has been improved - I didn't see the offer of vegan cheese on the menu though, I certainly would've added to my meal had I known it was available. Having worked in restaurants for quite some time, I understand that menu items are sometimes unavailable. It surprised me that someone I know asked me if the Sloppy Joe was also unavailable on my visit - which it was. Perhaps this is coincidence?

    I completely understand your point about bringing my concerns to the staff's attention. I have asked the same thing of customers during my time in hospitality and I'm disappointed that I've fallen into the same trap as so many other customers. I am truly sorry but again, I appreciate you reaching out to me in your comment.

    From reading your comment, it sounds like I visited Two-Bit Villains at a time when it wasn't at its best and it is unfortunate that my review reflects that. Next time I am in the city, I'll head back for lunch, dinner or a soda and check out the renovation.


  3. Hey man, I'm a massive fan of this store (and its service) and I was just wondering if you had returned in the ensuing months since this review was posted? I disagree with almost everything you have said in this review and it was obvious that the store was having a difficult day (or your standards were way too high) when you visited and I think its only fair you give them a second shot and reassess your review

    yours truly,
    A diligent Two Bit Villains fan

  4. They serve very average milkshakes in fricking jars. I mean, come on. Anodized aluminum, PLEASE.

  5. I definitely recommend returning! I had my first visit in the last month after hearing rave reviews from friends, and the nachos was superb!

  6. Hmmm - an above par place should not be getting a 7/20 even on the worst of days - I'm gonna give it a miss until I see a better 'worst-day' review.

  7. I went there last Saturday for the first time and ordered the sloppy joe. I am far from a picky eater, but it was unpalatable for me. It had an over powering sweetness to it. So disappointed. Was really looking forward to an authentic sloppy joe.


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